As a parent of three children, I know very well the balance between providing enough structure for success and allowing them to stumble but never hit the ground. I learned how to achieve that balance from the medical director when I started my career as a Speech Language Pathologist. It has been a lesson I have returned to many times both as a parent and as a therapist and coach. We want the best for our kids, but we cannot want it more or work harder than they do to achieve the goal. The goal is theirs to own and achieve. But sometimes they need an Executive Functioning Coach to be successful.
Why is it so important to take a step back before seniors begin their college career?
1. Students need the opportunity to identify their personal strengths and weaknesses so that they can create effective routines, habits, and strategies. Trying to make this transition while away from home and adjusting to an unfamiliar environment can be overwhelming and frustrating. An Executive Functioning Coach can assist with the development of the necessary routines, habits, and strategies without the emotional involvement of a parent.
2. Students will grow and adapt best when surrounded by people who care and support them. Reinforce the idea that not every situation will go as planned, but that does not mean nothing was gained. Teach your child to assess and evaluate each situation, identifying what worked and what did not. What will they do differently if the situation arises again? You are helping them to develop critical thinking skills as well as resiliency. This is another area where an Executive Functioning Coach can help. Problem-solving, cognitive flexibility and consequences of decisions will be addressed during Executive Functioning Coaching.
3. Students who are given the freedom to explore become natural learners. They begin to formulate their own questions and search for answers. They will take this curiosity with them as they begin their college careers, allowing them to become more engaged in the learning process. This will result in more time doing academic work. Executive Functioning Coaches can also assist with developing new learning strategies.
4. Students in high school have their days/weeks structured for them. This changes significantly when students enter college. In high school, most of their day is spent in the classroom with homework assigned. In college, class time is minimal as compared to the amount of time spent completing home assignments. Time-management is a skill that needs to be developed prior to the first semester. This can be achieved in their senior year. Time-management, prioritizing and organization skills are addressed with an Executive Functioning Coach.
5. Students in high school have multiple opportunities to improve their grade throughout a marking period. These opportunities are limited in a college class. Often there is a midterm and a final, and possibly a project. If a poor grade is earned on the midterm, it may spell disaster for that class. Students need to see what they can achieve independently, without close parental support. Executive Functioning Coaches stress the need for balance and work to help students schedule sufficient time for both academic and social interaction.
As a parent, you have an important role and offer a safe space for your child. Keeping communication open so that your child can discuss their thoughts, concerns, goals, and struggles is an important part of the process. It’s hard!! But what is harder is watching your child struggle and possibly fail their first semester as a freshman. The emotional distress and reduction in self-confidence can take months to repair. If you are concerned about your senior’s ability to manage their schedule, complete homework, learn new information and stay organized, contact me at doreen@thecognitivecoach.net or call 732-977-7381.
